It’s the end of a long couple of days and as I sit at the kitchen table in my parents home in south Missouri, pies in the oven, football resonating in the background,  I have to ask myself, what am I thankful for? 

This year was a bit different, for my brother and sister, and their families were unable to come down. There is an idleness here, less excitement, and I miss their presence. I miss dragging my sister into the dining room after the big meal to play a game, because it’s common knowledge around here that she is entirely  too cool for games. Well, ok, she’s not a “game kinda person,” never has been. Maybe it comes from those stressful family game nights we were forced to play at knifepoint, I can picture my Dad like it was yesterday, “YOU girls are gonna get in here, RIGHT NOW, you’re gonna play Life, and you’re GONNA enjoy it!!” And when Dad puts his foot down, you were just glad not to be under it. He was always a very understanding and caring father, but when he said, “Game night!” you said, “Who wants nuts?” And I have absolutely no idea why our entire family referred to my sister and I as, “The attitude sisters,” the attitude had nothing to do with the games…

And my little brother, not the baby but the one who used to manipulate his older sisters in order to get away with stuff when we babysat him. You know the kind, “Ahhh, if you don’t let me I’m gonna tell mom and dad you took Dad’s company car to get cigarettes AND had a pool party with beer the other night.” My sweet little bro…on second thought, maybe I don’t miss him so much. Ok, I do, and even though he was onery, he sure is fun. I love reciting ‘Dumb and Dumber’ with him, and no matter how old I get I always feel young around him. Currently, he’s in the Kansas City area playing COD Modern Warefare 2, drinking energy drinks, and working a little in between. 

They both have amazing families and Thanksgiving isn’t quite complete without the whole gang. My youngest brother is here though, and he’s a real ball of energy. Used to be, I’d say Monopoly and next thing you know he’d be set up, money at each place , top hat on, ready to go in seconds. Today I asked him to play and he just raised his eyebrows, pulled his baseball cap over his eyes and went to sleep. He is 22 and I am exactly 14 years older than him. I tend to feel like an old hag when he’s around, try as I might, I just can’t get him to admit my coolness. I feel a “family game night” would restore him to usual excitement over the fake money and little houses. I never told him that if you won Monopoly that didn’t necessarily mean you were going to “make it” in life. After about the 5th hour of playing we all just kind of forfeited to him anyway, succumbing to another piece of pie and the couch. 

But I guess tonight I am thinking about family. I am thankful for a lot of things, thankful I am not on a diet (though I probably should be), thankful we’re debt free, thankful for our health, but more than anything I am thankful for a wonderful family. I love my people, they put up with me, they love me when I act a fool, and I love them when they act like idiotic morons. We accept each other with all of our idiosyncrasies, our belching, flatulence, and loud-mouthing etc. I am glad for a group of people that I know have my back when times get tough, and that will celebrate with me in life’s blessings. 

Currently they are in the living room being very loud discussing what Thanksgiving will be like in 25 years. My brother is talking about skyping and traveling via high-speed trains, he and my dad are debating the mechanics of how it would work, pods vs. this, vs. that…I better go get in on this conversation. 

Happy Thanksgiving and Godspeed

Read a disturbing story  this morning about a young girl gang raped and beaten in California.  The story says officers found the girl semi-conscious and naked from the waist down near picnic tables on school property. It challenges me at the core of my being to understand what was going on in the minds of these young men. But then I understand that decisions like these aren’t made hastily, they are chosen in that moment, but are made as a progression of bad decisions, a lifetime of neglected emotions, resulting in hardened hearts. I am willing to bet the boys had no one truly invested in their lives, and if they did, the investors must be dealing with the grief that comes with no returns, and many losses. 

It is a reflection of a society without mercy, a community that doesn’t care, a young girl, gang raped, witnessed by possibly 2 dozen people and not reported. I am awestruck and ask myself, “Where was God in this?” I put my own daughter in that place and I wonder what I would do, how would I react? Is it possible to forgive of such a heinous crime? 

I don not know how this young girl will recover and reconcile what has happened to her, I am pressed to pray for her this week, and the weeks ahead. Against my human nature, I am also pressed to pray for the accused, to pray that they’re eyes will be opened to the audacity of their crimes, that they would lament their wrongdoings, seek God, and change their lives…

Sitting here thinking about how I really need to make some more videos… Florence Schulley beckons and I wish I had more time for creative stuff like that.

I am also thinking about how awesome it is that my parents are taking all of us sibs on a cruise for Christmas! How cool is that? Now, I have 3 months, 3 months, to lose a few pounds. Feeling the urge to get back on South Beach, I feel it is a very healthy way of eating and always works so well for me.  My body takes sugar and starch and converts it to heroin I think. South Beach helps me wean from the junk and stops the sugar cravings. I wish I could just eat that way without saying, “I’m doing South Beach.” For some reason, actually staring a plan helps me get excited about it, plus I think my sister and husband may do it with me.

What else am I thinking. Oh yeah, about my weakness.  I feel really weak right now. I hate that feeling. I haven’t been in the word lately and boy can I feel it. I guess that’s a good thing. I am craving some spiritual food…badly. I think feeling ones weakness can be empowering if you believe the teachings of Christ.  2 Corinthians 12:9  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

So,I’m really just kind of ‘done’ tonight. You could read all of my tweets at the left and piece together the kind of day I’ve had. Maybe it started with the rain and running through it from gym to grocery store, to van then home, then back to van. Then to the high school to get my daughter for a doctors appointment that didn’t exist, that we got into a verbal war over because she wasn’t on time waiting for me etc. There’s also the issue of my not sending her a note, blah, blah, blah. All of the above with my 2 year old niece who’s in town with her Dad who is currently working on what my husband likes to call, Chad vs. basement. 

Little Samantha, Sammy as we call her, is very good, she’s had a few random melt downs here and there, but all in all, she’s a sweety, and she’s 2…which brings me to my next point; Who in tarnation ever said that the 2’s were the worst age because my son is 3 and he’s killing me, quickly. He went to school today, but began reaking havoc very soon thereafter. So, maybe it’s the age, the excitement, maybe he’s coming down with something, maybe he’s just too much like his mama. Maybe it’s me, maybe I have limited coping mechanisms. Maybe me vs. the 3 year old is going to be the biggest battle of my life.

After I picked him up from school I met my teen daughter at the car place to politely decline the extra $400 bill to adjust the bent part of the wheel shaft that somehow mysteriously got damaged. She still has no earthly idea how she caused $600 worth of damage to a car that we only paid $750 for-go figure. Thank heavens for good old fashioned friends like Ed and Renee. Ed spent the evening in his driveway working on our daughters car, their babysitter, who I am sure will be indebted to them for the next several weeks. Oh yeah, Ed did have a break in the monotony of extra-curricular mechanics after he came home from his long day at Cerner…but I’ll get to that in a minute.

 We all get home and I put on a children’s tv show and sit for a sec when my cell rings, it’s another friend from the next street over. She and her husband are jetting off to Vegas for one of his conferences and some much need mommy and daddy time. Meanwhile, her Dad, who her little ones call Papa, has been watching them until their “Margaret” gets there to pick them up. Margaret it essentially Grandma and cares for them often, but there just happened to be a kink in her schedule and Papa’s not exactly the ‘granddaughter watching all the live long day’ type, they’re little, one’s in diapers, they’re girls. So…frantic for a pinch hitter until Margaret can get home from…The Ozarks, she calls me. I oblige. What the hey, it can’t get any worse, right? Wrong. 

I decide I am going to make the steak dinner I had planned anyway, referencing  the Duggar chick, she does it with like, 20 kids, right? What’s five, that’s like…cake. So, I commence the mac n’ cheese for the kids, start the salad, wash the potatoes, when what to my wondering eyes should appear, a 3 year old screaming bloody murder because he wants me to put on his socks. Now a wise person might have just wiped away the tears and put the child’s socks on, but not me. It’s been a long day and I am fully equipped for a fight with a 3 year old, mac n ‘cheese boiling over etc. I talk to him, tell him to bring me the socks, he won’t, he continues to rant and rave, it’s getting louder, I put him in his room, over and over again. Thank God my teenage daughter has come up from her cave to help me with the girls while I deal with him, so things are remotely under control at this point. I finally get him calmed down, my husband makes the steaks, we all have a great dinner. Afterwards, I take the kids outside, my husband and his brother head to Lowe’s and I decide to descend on the Harper’s, just a few houses down the street and around the corner.

It was like magic how it all happened, black magic. As I’m pushing my 3 year old son and my niece in the double stroller, Lexi the 1 1/2 year old pushes my dog in the umbrella stroller and the two 5 year olds lead us. About the time we approach the house, the two in the double stroller are throwing down, UFC style, and Owen bites into Sammy something fierce, I see blood, she stops breathing, like total pissed off I’m mad “and” I’m hurt and breathing is not an option right now kind of cry. Then she starts to cough, and choke. I’m hearing the tight cough and congestion she’s had this week in her chest not moving and she’s just gagging in Renee’s yard, she purple, I’m trying to hold her parallel to the ground, she’s fighting me and stiff as a board, all the while coughing and gagging, and purple. Ed shows up with some paper towels, Renee is at my side, all the kids are gathered round, then my husband and his brother, her dad, pull up to ask me a question before heading off to Lowe’s. I tell Chad to get out and come help, meanwhile we’re making progress as evidenced by a small pile of mac n’ cheese, hotdogs, and phlem in the front yard of the Harper’s. She’s starting to pink up but there is blood blisters around her eyes, I tell Renee, we’re leaving, she tries to tell me it’s cool to stay, I decline citing not wanting to pass this cursed day off onto her. As I make my way up the street with my five children, two of whom are still screaming, I see that she has come after me, trying to give me a hand, and her two are hot on her heels screaming as well. Ed, her husband comes after them, there is a small scuffle, some screaming and crying, and thus begins the, “glad she stopped by” moment that I am sure Renee is having.

My husband is back at the house waiting for me when I get home, he decided to stay home from Lowe’s and help me. He takes the boy, I am glad. I get the three girls in the tub, give one an albuterol treatment, finish all their baths, snuggle them up with a movie in my bed and wait for Maragret. She showed up about an hour later, and I’m still alive and so are all the kids. I have three left here in the house, they’re asleep, and I’m dumping my day on you. 

I’m just glad it’s over, I’m going to bed, boot-camp in the am, and Grandma’s coming to visit, now there’s a reason to smile.

I decided to make some tea tonight, you know instead of oreo’s or some other godforsaken snack food. To be honest, we don’t have a lot of junk in the house which is nice, but late at night I get a hankerin… so the tea helps ward off evil spirits, namely the ones that take over my body and throw me into the pantry without regard for my feelings or the size of my ass. 

After making the tea I had a novel idea, why not use one of Granny’s tea cups? She collected them and I was fortunate to get a few when she passed from this life. I chose a dainty yellow floral cup, one that reminds me of days gone by. I wonder who has used the cup? I wish I could hear its stories, hear the laughter and amusements that may have been told while it served an afternoon purpose. I wonder if anyone was ever tempted to throw it against a wall in a lovers quarrel? I imagine whomever used the cup was much to dignified for such behaviors, but she may have wanted to, secretly. I wish the cup could tell her story, I would be obliged to listen, and reminisce while the evening fades into night.

Wow, my son is overwhelmed by the excitement of having company. He couldn’t go to bed last night, finally fell asleep around 11:45, woke around 8 this morning, by noon he was a whirling dervish and Tasmanian devil compined, sprinkled with a little bit of hellion so I put him back in bed. Two hours later I gave him a ten minute time limit so it didn’t feel like l was totally giving in. I just couldn’t mentally bear the thought of putting him back in bed again and listening to the screaming any longer. We are headed to the pool and then to a Royals game, tonight should be fun. If you see a breaking news cast live from Royals stadium tonight regarding a mother that has spontaneously combusted, you can be sure it was me. 

Motherhood is not for wimps…

Are they neglecting the children’s future for their own selfish reasons for divorce? The following was my status on twitter:

#Jon & Kate splitting, nvr watched show but I call BS, shouldn’t b allowed 2 take easy way out, u have 8 kids, FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT, mk it work

Next comes responses on facebook:

1. Absolutely – instead of canceling the show and counseling, they’re opting for the paycheck and divorce. And they just renewed their vows last August. Glad they got that free trip to Hawaii in.
2. She was mean to her husband anyhow…too bad they milked the world for what they could first. Guess they are taking the easy way out.
3. its all about the money with them!!
4. Easy way out, Ro, I agree… Their first mistake was “putting their kids first”… if there’s anything I’ve learned you put God first, and take care of your marriage, THEN, the kids will work themselves out… happy, loving parents = happy kids. Nothing does more for a kids self esteem than seeing their parents love each other and respect each other… just my .02
5. you are so right on there!
6. We don’t know ANYTHING about them. We only see what filters through the producers and the paparazzi. We need to pray for this family and not armchair judge.
7. I didn’t judge… I just know what I know…they said themselves last night on TV that they BOTH put their kids FIRST. Several times, over and over… “my kids come before anything else”, etc etc…. As a matter of fact, I don’t see where anyone judged them here. She WAS mean to her husband (he said last night that he lost himself and let her run over him), it’s obvious they were opting for the paycheck and divorce over their ailing marriage…
8. I totally agree with you Ro…they kept saying they are splitting up for the kids ~ total crap!! It is just an easy way out…they did not want to make an effort to change their own ways and I guess money talked louder then their love for eachother. I think it is the worst thing for their kids! I don’t mean to judge, but just from the way he was talking in the interview, he is ready for something new (I’m only 32 yrs old)…lose yourself, that was a family it all about. You gain so much more when you lose yourself and care for others.

I agree with the above comments, I think marriage is hard…without cameras, without 8 kids, without LOTS of money, marriage is hard. No, we don’t know these people, really. But I think it would be silly to assume that we don’t know “anything” about them, in fact, we know quite a bit. Even if you don’t know the show, chances are someone you know does and people talk about it all the time. Which is the point of reality tv, if the whole thing was a farce no one would tune in, they are real, what they are going through is real, life is hard. The fact that they opened their lives up to the entire world does, in fact, give anyone the right to critique, judge, point fingers, make accusations…isn’t that the entertainment draw? People have been making their opinons of this family since day one, and they have been banking on it…

Have to start this again. Here are my top five:

5. My home. Lately we’ve been contemplating moving, we go back and forth on this, there are so many renovations we want to do here, the market being a good time to buy, feeling cramped…but alas, we have decided, once again, to stay put. Sometimes it’s hard not to look at what others have and want it, and I believe it’s good to work hard and have a nice life, but it’s easy to get caught in the cycle of, “more.”  It seems a bit like a disease to me, that cycle, and it feeds on itself until it becomes this huge growth on our souls that takes an act of God to remove it. I started to get on that ferris wheel, until I realized the carney working the ride was nowhere as cute as I had imagined from a distance. I am really feeling called to live a life content with less, to minimize the distractions, to just do life, more sincerely, more simply. I’m not there yet, but I have my eyes fixed on it, and it grows closer everyday.

4. My dog. He’s a sturdy, reliable little pup who loves me to death. He is soft and cuddly, and right now he’s not licking, which is a bonus. He was pretty anxious with our little foster kitten around, with places he couldn’t go and not being able to sit by me because the kitten was always looking for a teet on his tummy, that did not set well with him. He seems back to himself now, but I still miss kitty a bit. He is with an awesome family down the street who’s in love with him, it’s all good…

3. Excercise. Wow, it feels good… when it’s over. Don’t get me wrong, getting there is a pain in the arse. The beginning is usually pretty good, the middle stinks, the end drags, but when it’s over, now that’s my favorite part. I am also very glad to have my husband joining me for a few classes, he rocks. Exercise helps me find balance.

2. Balance. This is my ultimate goal and a word that has really taken on a whole new importance in my life lately. Balance seems to be the key to successful living. There is a balance in relationships, in activity, in work and in play. Lately, if I feel there is an area of my life that seems off, I ask myself about the balance. What is not getting a proper place, and what could use more of my attention? It seems that God plays a very important part in my “balancing act.” Regardless of what they day may bring, if I reconcile it to Him, and take him at His word, it all falls into place and he restores me.

1. Children. They are my most prized possession. The way they smile and laugh throughout the day. The way my almost three year old throws a fit and I have to pick him and help him work through it. The way he is an angel 10 seconds later (or 10 hours). I feel so extremely blessed to have been given the right to mother these children. Each one of them different and special, each one so unique. It’s God’s way of showing us how much He loves us. I think He whispers, “These children are to teach you about grace, and to see how it feels to love just a fraction of how much I love you.” It is quite amazing…

Godspeed

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Had a complicated weekend, work was strange and wonderful all at the same time. Being a nurse isn’t always rewarding and fulfilling, and when working with kids sometimes it can be downright  sad. This Saturday night it was simply a bummer. I won’t and can’t go into detail, but after leaving my daughter Em crying because we gave away the kitten that afternoon, and dealing with some work issues, I was ready to hang up my nursing cap when I left that night.

After some much need rest, all felt right in the world again. I went back to work feeling refreshed and ready to “give-back” to the community. I have some great co-workers that I feel comfortable and safe talking to, that are very encouraging and kind. Thanks ladies… 

Tonight I pulled myself into Aiyannas class for a brutal beating and new outlook on life. Hard-core exercise is the best medicine I have ever given myself. It gives me energy, it gives me hope, it helps me sleep. After class I joined the ladies from moms club at Los Compos and SIX on the square. We had good conversation and lots of laughs. I love the fact that this amazing group of women and mothers have really bonded and I enjoy hanging out with them. I feel like we have our own little desperate housewives of Clay county group going…HA! It’s great.

Lastly I will say a few more things about Calvin Klein’s new ad in downtown Manhattan. It disgusts me. I am sickend by the lack of concern for America’s youth. I can guarantee you that a sweet little old lady isn’t running that ad campaign. There is nothing in that ad about wholesomeness, nothing about love, and everything that lacks integrity.

CK…if you wanna sell my daughter jeans, if you want my money, take down the sign. Put up an ad that shows teens huddled around xboxes and cheetos, girls standing at the ball field fence watching the boys hit in the winning run, jeans in a pile on the swimming pool deck and teens splashing in the neighborhood pool, how about wading in a creek with jeans rolled up catching craw-dads…CK, help my teens, help your teens, be the best they can be, let them be kids for a little bit longer, allow youth to bask and glow in the dog days of summer. Quit telling them they need to be sexually active to be cool…unless of course you are planning a raunchy maternity line. 

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