Grueling Good

Good morning.

Today is day 16, I should be done with the fast in about 5 days. Feels weird to say that, I am actually thinking about extending my Daniel Fast for about one week as I didn’t start it until one week in when I changed the way I was fasting. If I do extend it, I will have eaten vegan for the full 21 days.

I am still nicotine free, alcohol free, caffeine free and sugar free. It’s difficult to describe how it feels to live without these things, one word comes to mind. Naked. I am vulnerable to life and my pseudo self-protective means are like broken weapons left behind by a warrior in search of one weapon to beat all. I am seeking inner peace, peace that will grow the more I trust the gardener, the less I trust my old vices. I’m at this place in my journey where it feels like I am in the middle of a rope bridge over a great chasm, I am half way to the other side and the other side wasn’t always appealing. I look back and see remnants of my former self, it’s a fast life that way, I am hurried and have many tools to help me along, but none of them are faith, none of them are trust.

When I look to the destination I am frozen here in the middle of the canyon, the bridge is wooden and creaks, the ropes are large and sturdy, but I ache for solid ground, seems as if I am always traveling. And this spot, I come here frequently. In this spot I can feel the cool breeze from the way ahead, I see the rays of light shining out of the trees at the end of the bridge, that’s new territory for me, terrifying and lovely and free.

I take another step in that direction today, I look forward to the living water on that side. This journey is grueling and good.

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About rolanda

Forty-something, married to a great guy with a stellar beard, we have 3 children, 2 granny babies and super cool son-in-law. I home school my kids because I love to be around them, I hope they turn out ok. I am a pediatric nurse and I live near the Kansas City area. I like vintage things. I love people, coffee and Jesus and I also love to write.
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