Thursday Fears

Thursday fears are just like any others, they come in through the side entrance of your mind and cast doubt on everything . They make people ugly, they remind you of the past, they stop you from being productive . Thursday fears are the worst and the best fears of all.

My daughter asked me today, “Why are so many songs about love?” I told her that love is a deep emotion, that artists like to communicate about things that make them feel, deeply. I think she accepted that answer and went back to drawing the continent of Africa pretty quickly. Love and fear go together like joy and pain, feeling one helps you understand the other, helps you respect the other. When we love deeply we fear losing that love, and when we fear we are most in need of love.

I often wonder to myself about life, and I secretly fear dreadful things. Why are we so closed, so afraid to feel, so afraid of the healing journey that pain can take us on? I feel so amazingly blessed right now, I can’t get over the beauty of life, especially as it is right now, but there are always those fears that try and creep in without being asked, they try to make themselves at home in our hearts. 

Children grow so fast, and I revel in the looks of them, this very moment. I took a picture of them today, my daughter said, “Why are you taking a picture mom?” I said, “Because I want to remember this moment.” Some days, just being alive takes my breath away. Today this room is a bit cluttered and needs vacuuming, I have laundry begging not to be put through yet another fluff and tumble, and my to do list is long, but I’m ok with all of that because I’m not letting Thursday fears sideline the main thing. 

The main thing is to love each day as if it were our last, to love fully, to allow all the feels. If the worst fears visited me, if they were brought to life I would surely be broken, for a time. I chose not to fear today because I have experienced pretty significant pain in life, and from that pain I have grown. None of us are immune to the ebb and flow of life, pain will come, fears to fruition, it’s what we do with the pain that matters. We cannot fear, for love is near, and grace will cover all. 

Thursday fears fall flat when I open my heart to the small moments and his beauty shines like a light in the harbor. Come rest in him, it’s safe here.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. 1 John 4:18a

 

 

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About rolanda

Forty-something, married to a great guy with a stellar beard, we have 3 children, 2 granny babies and super cool son-in-law. I home school my kids because I love to be around them, I hope they turn out ok. I am a pediatric nurse and I live near the Kansas City area. I like vintage things. I love people, coffee and Jesus and I also love to write.
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